Chasing Him
by Mr. Chaos
Summary: Bad timing and life-altering choices cause Beckett and Castle to swap places: He's the one that is pulling away and she is the one reaching out. Now, if she wants her happy ending, Beckett will have to win Castle's heart...and prove they are worth of love
1. Chapter 1

Feb 28th, 11:30 am

"Speak of the devil," Lanie Parish said, nodding towards the elevators. Det. Kate Beckett turned to follow her friend's gaze, watching as Richard Castle stepped off the elevator and began to make his way towards her desk.

Her own smile fell a bit when she noticed that the goofy grin you usually had plastered on his face was not present; he wasn't scowling though, or moping…instead his face appeared almost dead, like a robot powered down and left quiet in the shadows.

Beckett sighed. A week had past since the whole Linchpin incident and Castle was still taking the events badly. She couldn't blame him though; if she had found out that a former love had been a sleeper agent, plotting the falloff the country and, potentially, the entire world…well, Beckett wasn't for sure how she would react, but it wouldn't be with a smile.

Giving Lanie the briefest of nods, Beckett made her way towards her desk. Castle glanced up at her, and she had to force herself to smile. He just looked so sad and lost…the first burnt out of his normally bright eyes, leaving them like dull gemstones that had gone unpolished.

"I was afraid you weren't going to come in today," she said, trying to keep her tone nice and breezy.

"Sorry…had to take care of some things," Castle said. Beckett waited for him to say something, to make a quip or a joke, but nothing came out, leaving them to stare at each other like idiots.

"Listen, I know you just showed up, but I am really hungry…you want to grab a burger or something?"

Castle frowned. "Don't you normally eat at your desk?"

"I'm trying new things…my New Years Resolution."

Shrugging, Castle rose to his feet. It was a slow, plodding motion, so unlike his normal strut. Normally, Castle dazzled everyone with his grace and quick movements, but today he moved like he appeared he should: slowly, every muscle tense as if ready to rush an attacker.

Grabbing her coat, Beckett gave a wave to Esposito and Ryan before following after Castle, leaving the bullpen behind, but not her concerns.

~MC~MC~MC~

12:15 pm

Beckett was sure there were quieter places to eat in New York, but today she needed something filling, so that meant braving the clash and bangs of The Black Foot Diner. It was one of those mom and pop places that managed to survive even in a world full of McDonalds and Famous Original Famous Super Special Awesome Rays. The portions were big, the chatter loud and lively, and the waitresses looked like they had stepped out of a 1960s greasers film.

Castle had ordered a simple sandwich, leaving Beckett to feel a bit like a pig for ordering a double bacon burger with extra fries and a tall shake. But her stomach was doing flip flops and she needed something to weigh it down, so it was time to say 'screw it' to her health and indulge.

With a good half of her burger gone and being able to feel the fries marching towards her thighs, Beckett focused on Castle, considering what she wanted to say to him.

"Listen, I-"

"I need to tell you something…"

The both of them blinked, before chuckling. Beckett motioned for Castle to go first and he nodded, swallowing. His entire body seemed to be ramping up for something, as if he expected at any moment to need to run a marathon.

"I owe you an apology."

"Don't worry about it," Beckett said, waving him off. "I get it that-"

Castle caught her hand, staring her down until she felt her jaw shut with a snap. "Let me finish, please." Beckett merely nodded, her hand feeling very cold the moment he released his grip. "I'm sure you noticed that…after Sophia…I've been really quiet." He waited, as if expecting her to interrupt again, only to find her truly listening. Building his courage, he continued. "I've been turning it over in my head…how could I have not noticed…how could I have been so blind…"

Beckett wanted so badly to speak up, to tell him it wasn't his fault. But she knew he needed to say…whatever it was he was trying to say, and so she respected his wishes and remained silent.

"I realize now that…I never knew her…not the way I should. You see, the moment I saw her I was attracted to her. And the more time I spent with her, the more attracted I got…her little quirks and faults…they just made me more interested. She fought it with a passion…I understand why now, but in the end she gave in. But even after we…got together…" Castle chewed on the words like they were a bad piece of meat, "I still didn't know her.

"I…I realize that I wasn't in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being in love with her. I made her into this ideal, this fictional character and I just focused on that and nothing else. I wasn't in love with her…I just wanted to believe that a guy like me could be with a girl like her."

Beckett fought against herself, wanting to scream, to shout, to say anything. She didn't believe in 6th sense or psychics… but something within her warned that what was coming next was going to be bad.

But she couldn't talk…couldn't move.

All she could do was listen.

"But the thing is, the girl I wanted to be with…it wasn't Sophia. It was this twisted 2-dimensional version of her a cooked up in my head. I never allowed myself to see her as a real person… maybe if I had…"

Castle closed his eyes, and for a moment Beckett was frightened he would begin to cry. But instead, when he opened them, she found that there was a fire once more in his eyes, burning intense and bright.

God, that fire scared her.

"And that is why I need to apologize to you…because I made the same mistake with you as I did with her. I worked myself up thinking I was in love with you…when all I loved was this idea of you and I together. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you…to subject you to my idolization. I'm…I'm so sorry I did that to you…that I didn't see you as a human and only saw you as some phantom goal."

Beckett's upper body was still, frozen in place like she'd been caught in Medusa's gaze. Her lower body was twitching like she had been hit by a bolt of lightning, wiggling and shivering.

"But…the thing is…I do want to get to know you," Beckett sighed in relief. "I'm not saying I'm going to stop following you around and bugging you. But I need to do it right." He reached out again, his smile returning, warm and bright and happy…

…and platonic.

"I want to be your friend, Kate. I want to get to know you, to hang out and have a beer. I want to be there when you need to move, give you advice when you can't decide what dress to wear for a date…god, this is making me sound gay." Castle laughed and Beckett did as well, her head swirling. "The point is, I want to make up for making you uncomfortable…for not treating you as a person. I want to be your friend…or a big brother you set your friends up with." He flashed one of his classic smiles and Beckett bite her lip. "Do you think you can forgive me…and let me try?"

Beckett wet her lips, hands freeing themselves from his grip to snag a fry and shove it in her mouth. "Sure…totally. Always wanted an older brother who was loaded."

Castle laughed, a massive burden lifted from his shoulders. "Thank God…I was so worried you would hate me for all the crap I put you through."

"No…no problem…" Beckett said, taking a bite of her burger.

~MC~MC~MC~

5:00pm

"That's good, right?"

Beckett glanced over at her shrink. He hadn't said a word as she told him about the lunch. He'd merely watched her, occasionally taking notes in that little pad of his, allowing her to tell the facts at her own pace.

"Good?" Beckett parroted from the couch she sat on.

"Yes," her shrink said. "We have discussed Mr. Castle's declaration of love and your concern that you were not ready for such a step. It seems to me that such an action as his would not only be very healthy for him, but also for yourself. It allows you to remain close to someone you trust without having to worry about loving him."

Beckett looked at the man for a moment, her lips twitching as a smile tried to form…only for her to begin to sob.

"Det. Beckett?" The shrink questioned, confused by her reaction.

"Don't you get it?" Beckett said, hating herself for crying.

~MC~MC~MC~

11:25 am

"Lanie…I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" Lanie asked. She had stopped by the precinct to deliver some notes about a John Doe to Beckett and had decided to take a coffee break with her BFF.

"I'm going to tell him."

"Tell…no." Lanie gaped at her friend, nearly spilling her coffee. "You aren't screwing with me, are you? Because that would be mean, girl, and I-"

"I'm serious, Lanie…I'm just waiting for him to come in and then I'm going to ask him to lunch. Gates is giving me the afternoon off…" Beckett smiled playfully, Lanie laughing so hard she was afraid her friend would have a heart attack.

"I suppose you have some things planned for writer boy to do while you have the day off."

Beckett stirred her coffee, a coy smile playing across her face. "Maybe."

"Speak of the devil…"

~MC~MC~MC~

5:05 pm

"I was going to tell him I love him," Beckett said, her tears still falling despite all she did to try and stop them. "I was finally ready to tell him I loved him…and it's too late." Beckett buried her head in her hands, losing the battle with her tears. "I was ready…I was ready…"

~MC~MC~MC~

Author's Note: Yes, this will start off with angst...but humor and romance will come soon (assuming there is a desire for me to continue)


	2. Chapter 2

8:59 pm

Kate Beckett scowled. She had come to the conclusion that Facebook was part of an evil plot to make women all over the world feel worse about themselves. The STATUS box loomed before her, seemingly growing bigger with each passing moment, threatening to consume her like some great white whale.

Apparently, everyone else in the world was more interesting than her.

'Jenny just surprised me with pot roast! Love my wife'- Kevin Ryan, 7:20pm

'Cold beer, phone unplugged and Jeremy Lin leading my Knicks to victory!'-Javier Esposito, 8:15 pm

'Hello? Booth, how do I work this? Is it like a chat room?'- Dr. Temperance Brennan, 8:25 pm

'To all my fans: Am I the only one that thinks Twilight Sparkle sounds like a stripper name?'- Kevin Allen, 8:33 pm

'Getting ready for Penguins game. BTW, Bones, who the hell told you about Facebook?'- Seeley Booth, 8:37 pm

'Just found 'Mark of Zorro' playing on Turner Classic! Time to get my Tyrone Powers on!'- Richard Castle, 8:45 pm

'Mojitos here I come!'- Sam Axe, 8:51 pm

What did Beckett have as a status? 'Just had my heart crushed, decided to eat ice cream till I weigh 400 lbs'. Or maybe 'Man I love wants to 'be my friend'. Ready to give up, buy a cat and write 'Ugly Betty' fan fiction'.

Beckett stuck her tongue out at the evil Status Bar before reaching over and grabbing her carton of 'Carmel Sutra'. "Ben and Jerry...the only men I can rely upon." She swirled her spoon around the container, licking it clean before going in for another bite. Who cared if it was cliché and set the woman's lib movement back 50 years...she was nursing a broken heart, damn it!

Her therapy session had been a disaster with a capital D. After laying out the events of the afternoon and having a good cry, she's waited for her shrink to drop some wisdom on her that would give her some hope. But NOOOOOOO, he had taken Richard flippin' Castle's side, stating that Castle's decision to be friends was a great idea and that Beckett only cared because she now viewed him as some prize she had lost.

She'd scowled and stalked off, deciding that the only therapy she needed involved whip cream and sprinkles.

But as the night wore on, Beckett found that her hurt was only growing. She kept viewing the conversation like it was a crime, trying to piece together what she had done wrong, what she could have done different to ensure that her and Castle had spent the afternoon rolling around under the covers instead of staring dumbly at each other over a plate of fries. For now she was resisting the urge to create a murder board for her love life... just barely.

When her spoon hit the cardboard bottom of her carton, Beckett sighed and plodded towards the kitchen, her ratty slippers slapping against the floor. She opened her freezer only to find that she had somehow eating all 4 tubs she'd purchased after escaping the diner, leaving her no choice but to crack into the wine that had been chilling in her fridge. Her heart sunk a little as she remembered that said wine was suppose to be drunk during dinner with Castle, celebrating their new relationship.

Cursing out stupid writers, Beckett grabbing the bottle and dismissed the idea of getting a glass, choosing to go the very unlady-like route of ripping the cork out with her teeth, spitting it into the sink, and downing half the bottle before she reached the couch, which she probably fell upon with a thud.

A buzz filling her veins, Beckett looked about her apartment, disgusted by how it was filled with some much junk that really held no meaning. Almost everything was just pretty things that were nice to look at but held no real place in her heart. She shuddered, realizing that the same description could be used about herself.

Taking another swig from the bottle and thanking God it was her day off tomorrow, Beckett reached into her magazine rack, looking for something to take her mind off of all the naughty things she had wanted to do to Castle. Thankfully, her fingers didn't grasp one of the many Derrick Storm novels that lay within the rack. Instead, she brought up a workbook her stupid shrink had given her, back when she had first gone to therapy.

The entire thing was so immature. There were little mental exercises that she was suppose to do, like writing down the events of her day like she were writing a novel (she already had someone doing that, thank you very much!), or writing a letter to her favorite fictional character (which was Nikki Heat, who was based on her, which would make the whole exercise rather narcissistic).

She was about to toss the book away and try and find a trashy Harlequin novel when her eyes fell upon an exercise she hadn't noticed before:

_Sit down in a quiet room, facing a chair. Pretend that someone you trust is sitting in front of you and tell them about your problems. Think about what they would say and how you would respond._

It wasn't as strange as it sounded. Castle had told her once that he had done similar things when it came to writing his novels, putting himself in the mindset of one character and having a conversation with the other. It was like a play with two roles played by the same actors. Cops did it too, to a lesser degree, when trying to figure out how a suspect might behave.

Blinking booze-blurred eyes, Beckett turned towards a chair, deciding to give the exercise a try. It was no worse than stalking Castle on Facebook or watching whatever celebrity singing/dancing/fly fishing reality show was on.

Besides, she knew who she wanted to talk to, and knew that she'd only have the guts to try this out while she was drunk as a skunk in a funk.

"Hey mom," Beckett said, staring at the chair. She felt silly as hell but went with it, telling the little voice in her head that always wanted her to behave in a dignified manner to go suck a goat.

"Hello sweetheart," Beckett said, trying her best to mimic her mother's voice. She'd done that a lot, wanting to never forget the tender tones her mother spoke with whenever they had chatted. "What's wrong?"

"Everything..." Beckett blew a few stray hairs out of her eyes. "You know that guy that is following me around, Richard Castle?"

"Of course," 'Joanna' answered, "did he do something stupid again. He tends to do that."

Beckett laughed. "You could say that. You know how he said he loved me, when he thought I was dying."

"Yes. It shook you up. You have worked so hard to build distance between the two of you, fearing what would happen if you acted on your feelings."

"Yeah," Beckett admitted, leaning forward.

"But it didn't work," 'her mother' said, voice taking on a slight scolding tone.

"No...it didn't."

"He fell for you and you fell for him."

"Hard, mom...I fell hard."

Joanna tisked. "So what is the matter?"

"I was ready to tell him, mom. I was finally ready to tell him and he decides that he wasn't really in love with me. he took it back!"

"Well, he didn't really, did he? I mean, you never accepted his statement, never let him know you heard..."

Beckett frowned. "I was going to tell him-"

"Stop lying to yourself, Kate," Joanna stood up, pacing. "You had no problem stringing that boy along, and are only upset because he isn't working on your timetable."

"It's not like that!" Beckett complained, finding herself standing in her dining room.

"Isn't it?" Her mother challenged.

Beckett lowered her head and sighed. "Ok, it is."

"And you would have been upset whenever he said it, because the truth is you've loved him for a long time and were just to chicken to admit it." Joanna stared at the ground before looking around the apartment. "Kate, you have no one to blame but yourself."

"I know. I waited-"

"No, this has nothing to do with waiting!" Joanna challenged. "You keep asking yourself how Castle could fall out of love with you so fast..."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Beckett asked.

"Because I'm you, Kate...this is an imaginary conversation, remember."

"Oh, right," Beckett said, laughing at the insanity of all of this.

The laughter died as Joanna began to speak again. "If you were honest with yourself...and I guess you are, all things considered...you'd realize that it was quite easy for Castle to doubt his love for you because you didn't do a thing to prove to him you were worthy of it."

"Hold on," Beckett complained, only for her mother to steamroll ahead.

"Nope, let's keep going. For the longest time you've taken Richard Castle for granted. You've expected him to do whatever you want, when you want it, on your schedule. If he tried anything that didn't fit with your view of things you beat him down till he gave up. You never once did a thing to truly earn the wonderful gift that is his love."

"I...I..." Beckett stammered, stunned by the admission. "I've done stuff for him..."

"Too little, too late. If we were to make a running tally, you'd be found dead last." Joanna began to tick off the facts. "He has come to all your major events when you asked him too. He has invited you to his poker game. He brings you coffee every morning, just the way you like it. He buys you little gifts and tells jokes when he is blue just to see you smile. He holds open doors and, when you let him, will help you put on your coat or will pull out your chair. He's become friends with your friends, worked his schedule around yours...and let's not forget how many times that man nearly died trying to save your life!

"Now, what about you? You've been too one book signing...but that was revenge; you wanted to fluster him, to get back at him. You let him win a game of poker, but only after he did the same for you. And I think you've bought coffee for him twice...no, three times."

"I get it, ok!" Beckett shouted, her cry echoing through the empty apartment. "And then there is all the bad I've done! I insult his books, I question his choices as a parent, I lie to him, and try to push him away when he is only working to help me out...I'm a grade A bitch and don't deserve him!"

Beckett slowly lowered herself to the ground, tears stinging her eyes as she ground her fists against her eyelids. She hiccupped several times, trying to catch her breath and not fall into a drunken cryfest.

"Ok...maybe I am being hard on myself...obviously I'm not that big of a bitch...but still, I could have treated him better. Why am I surprised he fell out of love with me...I didn't do enough to give him hope for more." Beckett licked her lips, her tongue feeling two sizes too big. "But what do I do now?"

"What indeed?" her mother's voice echoed through her head.

Beckett stared at the hardwood, watching the grain as it swirled about thanks to her alcohol-induced stupor. "I...I fight. I'm Detective Kate -HIC!- Beckett! I don't give up when the chips are down, I fight!"

"And how will you do that?" her mother questioned.

"Uh..."

"Richard Castle chased after you for 4 years...maybe it is time you did the same?"

Beckett grinned like a fool, heaving herself to her feet. "Yeah...yeah! He said he wanted to be my friend...so I'll be his friend! Do nice things, be there for him...and if a little flirting is thrown in, so be it! Friends fall in love all the time, so why not us? I'll make him fall in love with me all over again, and this time I'll be ready when he says he loves me!" Beckett slammed her fist into her open palm in determination...only to find such an action caused her to nearly topple over. "Oof! Mom, can you help me get to bed."

"No...Kate, I'm just a figment of your drunken imagination, remember?"

Beckett giggled, crawling towards her bed. "Oh...right...heehee...I sure hope I remember all this when I wake up tomorrow!"

~MC~MC~

Author's Note: if you have things you want to see Beckett do to try and win Castle, let me know via PM or review.


	3. Chapter 3

Beckett looked out her window, watching as the clouds slowly moved across the afternoon sky. She'd awoke in the morning to find her hangover charging through her brain like the forces of Genghis Khan leading his army through a brittle glass store. She'd done all she could to relieve the pain without resorting to a hammer, then, remembering the conclusions she had come to during her drunken rant with…herself…had decided to talk her problem head on.

Stepping away from her handiwork, Beckett was quite pleased with herself…and also thankful that she had the day off. There was no way she could have explained to anyone the new board she had sent up… Gates would have had her thrown in holding on charges of stalking, had she gotten a peak at Beckett's homework.

In the center of her homemade white board was a picture of Rick Castle. It had been one Beckett had managed to nab when he wasn't looking…eyes bugging out and lips pursed after he had taken a swig of bad milk from the precinct's fridge. Underneath it, written in bold red letters, were the words "PRIME TARGET".

Surrounding the image were different names and photos, each one with a brief bio of how they could be used in her quest. Their connection to Castle, their connection to herself, where they might fall when it came to loving/hating the idea of Beckett and Castle being together…all of it was written down in detail, like they were suspects to a murder. Lines connected them to each other, to see how one's actions would affect the others, like some bizarre spiderweb, and Beckett had to admit even she found it a touch creepy. But still, desperate times…

On a tablet of paper, Beckett went over her battle plan. She had spent several hours trying to figure out how best to make this work, considering every option, no matter how silly or crazy, weighing pros and cons until she came up with what she hoped to be the perfect solution.

The problem was that she wasn't going after someone she had never met, or someone who's relationship with her was simply. Castle was someone that had loved her and now had convinced himself he didn't love her…he wanted her only as a friend. As tempting as it was to break into his apartment and let him find her wearing a whip cream bikini, such actions would only push him away.

Beckett sighed, leaning her head back and shooting a shot of whip cream into her mouth. What a waste.

The other problem was that, as much as she hated to admit it, she really wasn't Castle's friend. Yes, she had gone to a Halloween party and played poker with him…but other than those and a few other moments, she had never really done anything 'friend-like' with him. They had been partners, writer and muse, and two idiots dancing around an attraction that would have cause to normal, sane adults to do it on top of the lunchroom table years ago.

Which meant that before she could build a relationship with him, Beckett needed to build a friendship with the writer that was always tagging along. And that too, would not be simple. Because of their history, it would be impossible to simply act as if nothing had happened, like they were meeting for the first time. Beckett would have to take what they had established, chip away at it to rid herself of the routines that only harmed each other, while building up those moments and actions to strengthened their bond.

It was going to be a pain in the ass, that was for sure, but Beckett understood that it was what she deserved. She had failed the first time to fight for love, so this time she would accept the challenge with open arms. It would be like Hercules' 12 labors…except the labors would include wooing a writer and end with a tumble in the sheets.

Beckett shook her head. 'Ok, not like the Labors…but I'm not the writer here, am I?' Looking over her list one more time, Beckett nodded to herself before setting it down and making her way to her bedroom. Tomorrow would begin her operation and she still needed to begin getting the supplies all ready, if she had any hope of getting off on the right foot.

Beckett shook her head, smiling to herself. This was going to be fun, if only to see everyone's faces.

~MC~MC~MC~

_The Next Day_

"Holy crap, did you actually get us coffee?" Esposito said in mock shock, taking the cup from Castle.

"Ha ha ha," Castle said, passing Ryan his before going to sit down. "You act like I'm never nice to you."

"Well, to be fair, when you are nice to us it usually ends up blowing up in our face," Ryan commented, removing the lid from his cup and blowing.

Castle made a face. "I got you the espresso machine! That was nice and hasn't blown up in your face!" He paused, considering something. "In fact, you rigged the thing to blow up in my face, remember?"

Esposito was about to say something, only to find an apple tart shoved between his lips. Beckett smirked at him before reaching into her bag and pulling one out for Ryan.

Beckett flashed Castle a slight smile as she exchanged her tart for the coffee he had grabbed her. "Thank you, Castle," she said heading over to her desk, bag still in hand. She resisted the urge to squeal (because she was Kate Beckett and she didn't squeal, damn it!) when, after nibbling on the tart, Castle trotted after like a happy puppy, following the bag with his eyes. "So, what do we have today?"

"Hold the phone!" Castle exclaimed. "What's with the pastry goodness?"

"What do you mean?" Beckett asked. She wanted to say it a bit flirty, with a bit of innocence mixed in, but she realized that such an attitude would only set off warning bells and she wasn't in the mood to deal with Castle, Ryan and Esposito digging into her reasoning. Thus, her tone took on a bored air, her eyes remaining on her computer screen.

"I mean what is with you and the pastry giving. Beckett and passing out food are unmixy."

"Unmixy?" Esposito asked.

Castle shrugged. "I fell asleep watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ on TNT, ok?"

"Which season?" Ryan asked. "Not one of the later ones, right? Those sucked, what with evil Willow and that stupid preacher Caleb."

Castle made a sour face. "I didn't think…"

"Girls?" Beckett called out, looking at the three men. "Are you seriously debating about a show called _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_?"

Esposito sighed, rolling his chair over to Beckett's desk and snagging another tart. "Ignore them…what's up with the free food?"

"Found this new bakery…well, I'm sure it isn't new, but it is to me, and after trying some I decided to bring you guys in a treat." That was a bold face lie. She'd found a recipe online to make the tarts in under an hour and, remembering how much she had enjoyed baking with her mother, had decided that starting a new hobby would be fruitful. Especially since founding dough with her fist would allow her to vent her frustrations over a certain 'let's be friends' writer.

Besides… the end product would be the perfect way to bribe said writer. A man's heart was through his stomach, after all.

"But, if you are going to be such babies, maybe I won't bring anymore…"

Beckett suppressed a grin as the three men clamored apologies. 'Oh…this will be fun!'

~MC~MC~MC~

Kate's Checklist of What to Do to Win Richard Castle's Heart

1) Thank him for the little things

2) Repay him for all the times he brought me coffee

~MC~MC~

Author's Note: if you have things you want to see Beckett do to try and win Castle, let me know via PM or review.


	4. Chapter 4

Unlike every other New Yorker stuck in gridlock at that very moment, Kate Beckett wasn't cursing up a storm at the idiots who had decided it was a bright idea to close down one of the main roads in Manhattan so they could repair a broken pipe. In fact, Beckett was rather pleased with the extra minutes she got to spend at the wheel...if only because it allowed her a bit more time with a certain writer that sat beside her.

Her plan to win Castle's friendship (and then his heart) was going rather nicely, if slowly. She had been buttering him up with pastries for the last week, had been a bit more polite too him (without getting too sugary... after all, part of the reason Castle had fallen for her was her fire and it would do no good if she doused that), and had been working on other ways to show him that she cared. Quiet smiles after he made a bad joke, brushing shoulders with him (even if that felt so childish) and quick stolen glances all filled her playbook.

Two days ago she had decided to move onto step three: Drive Castle home instead of making him take a cab. When she had been plotting out her attack on his heart, Beckett had been ashamed to realize that his apartment building was on her way home from the precinct. She'd forced him to waste money on cab fare when she could have driven him herself. A simple thing, sure, but yet another mistake she had made, taking for granted that he had to find some way home.

Thus, her offer to drive him home, which had pleased him too no end and allowed her a few more precious minutes alone with him.

The traffic jam offered her a chance to try out step four, another issue she was ashamed to have failed to do back when Castle was pining for her.

"So, how goes the next Nikki Heat book?"

Castle shook his head, breaking out of his daydream (which Beckett vainly wished involved her, a bikini and a secluded beach). "Huh?"

"The next Nikki Heat book? You know, the reason you follow me around?" Beckett teased, glad that the normal venom that would color such a question was absent.

"Making sure I'm not ruining your reputation?" Castle teased. Beckett hid her frown, however, when she noticed that the smile didn't quite reach his eyes; that was something she had noticed only recently and made her soul tremble. When had Richard Castle stopped having that twinkle and become so...down? He reminded her of that droopy dog from the old 50s cartoons, with the saggy jowls, when he should have been bouncing around like Tigger, ready to pounce on anyone that happened to get near.

"Totally," Beckett said, hoping she came off as breezy. She wanted to play this light. "Last thing I need is for you to turn Nikki Heat into some fuddy duddy."

"Fuddy duddy? What are you, 50?"

"Hey, fuddy duddy is a perfectly acceptable term!" Beckett countered.

Castle harrumphed. "Sure it is." He was quiet for a moment and Beckett feared he wouldn't take the bait. She creeped up a few feet, only for the cars in front of her to slam on their brakes and lay on their horns. "And what do you mean, making her fuddy duddy?"

Beckett resisted the urge to do a happy dance in her seat, instead focusing on the road ahead. "I'm just worried that you are going to run out of ideas and make her boring. I mean, she's already run from masked gunmen and escaped electrical torture...where do you go next? Last thing I need is you opening your next book with her knitting or something."

"Knitting?" Castle questioned, a ghost of a laugh dancing past his lips.

"Yeah, you know, "Nikki Heat stared down at the sweater she was trying to knit, cursing the evil snag that threatened to ruin the entire thing"."

Castle stared at her for a moment, the sound of horns punctuating the silence, before he burst out laughing. "You have GOT to be kidding me."

Beckett shrugged. "Ok, maybe a bit much, but I just need to watch out for my fictional self. Can't have her making me look like some boring sack of dirt that sits around her apartment watching Masterpiece Theater."

"Don't worry, she won't be boring. I was thinking more of having the next book open with her watching soaps and eating bon bons."

"Do you even know what a bon bon is, Rick?"

"Can't say I do," Castle admitted, not even noticing that Beckett had called him by his first name (another on her list). "Ok, how would you start the next book then, since you are soooooo worried about me back it a snooze-fest?"

Beckett felt a naughty grin tugging on her lips. "Sex scene."

"Sex scene?" Of all the things she could have asked, that was the last Castle expected.

"Oh yeah...something like, "Nikki leaned down, capturing one of Jameson's flat nipples between her teeth, pulling and teasing it. Her hands slid down his bare sides, ghost along the waist line of his boxers, hinting of the things that would come. Releasing the nub, Nikki slowly rose up, her legs still wrapped around Jameson's waist as she arched her back, letting him drink in every inch of her nude form as she reached towards the ceiling, every movement like that of a lazy cat, satisfied after catching a plump mouse and now preparing to take her time enjoying the spoils of her hunt. Jameson knew exactly who the predator was in this bedroom...and who was the prey...""

Beckett glanced over at Castle, watching him breath a bit quicker, skin flush and leg bouncing up and down as if caught in an earthquake. Another...tale-tell sign showed her that her little story had delivered upon the desired effect.

"Well..." Castle stammered, clearly trying to get his brain to function (a difficult task since all the blood had drained from it, rushing down south to another vital organ), "that is...uh...one way to start it."

Beckett smirked, turning off the congested road and heading towards the parking garage that sat behind Castle's building. When he realized where she was going, Beckett merely waved off his questions, explaining that she wanted to give Martha her best wishes on the new play she was starring in. Castle accepted this, his brain still muddled and unable to think of a good protest.

They rode the elevator in silence, Castle standing just close enough to her to make her skin go goose pimple and her heart to ache. She wanted so much to just lean over and rest her head on his shoulder, but knew that she needed to wait, if she were to follow her plan.

"Darling!" Martha called out, dressed in a long flowing gown that most people would have worn to a formal event but she chose as casual wear, a wine glass in hand. Alexis was seated on the couch, glancing up as her father and Beckett entered. "And Detective Beckett, how nice to see you again!"

"Hello Martha," Beckett said pleasantly. "Alexis."

"Hello Detective Beckett," Alexis stated, shutting her book.

Castle kissed his mother on the cheek before moving to Alexis, pressing his lips to her forehead before glancing at the book she had been so engrossed in. "Reading another one of the kid's books?"

Alexis nodded. "The Ace in the Hole...I didn't think Mr. Allen could outdo The Barefoot Witch..."

"Just remember, if it weren't for me, the kid wouldn't have a career." Castle glanced over at Beckett, as if expecting her to making her well wishes and hurrying out. Beckett, for her part, realized that she had come up her, planning to find an excuse to spend some time with his family, but was now unable to think of a good reason to stay.

"Richard, darling, Paula left a message asking you to call her. Something about confirming your appearance at the Writer's Conference..."

Castle nodded, making his apologizes to Beckett before hurrying to his office. Beckett watched him go, then turned to give Martha her best wishes...only to find both Martha and Alexis staring at her.

"Uh...something wrong?"

"Indeed, my dear," Martha said.

"What?" Beckett said dumbly.

"When were you going to inform us you are courting my son?"

Alexis nodded, a slightly sinister gleam filling her eyes. "And how can we help?"


	5. Chapter 5

Beckett stared at Martha and Alexis, struck dumb. She knew she should understand the words they said but found it impossible to wrap her mind around their meeting. It was like she had stood at the foundation of the Tower of Babel, God striking down upon her and leaving her unable to understand a tongue she had used not moments before.

"I think we broke her, Grams," Alexis said, waving her hand in front of Beckett's face and getting no response.

"Come, a shot of brandy and a sit will do her good. Your father will be on the phone for a while, if I know that shark he calls an agent." Martha led the slack-jawed Beckett to the couch, retrieving a tumbler and filling it with the amber liquid. Placing it in Beckett's hands, she urged the officer to drink; Beckett's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when the liquid fire ran down her throat. "There there, see now. The best medicine you can find and you don't even need a prescription."

Beckett blinked, trying to get the stars to stop flashing about her eye line. "Wha...what gave you the idea..."

"That you are in love with my dad?" Alexis asked. She gave Beckett a teasing smile, one Beckett was use to seeing upon Castle's own face. "No offense, Detective Beckett, but you didn't really hide the fact."

"I didn't?" Beckett gulped, chancing a glance at Castle's office, as if expecting him to pop out at any moment and cry "Ha!" and rub it in her face he knew all along.

As if sensing her thoughts, Martha clicked her tongue in annoyance. "Don't worry, my dear. Only women would see how much you long after him; men are too stupid to notice such subtle things...and when it comes to love my Richard is the dumbest of them all."

Beckett did her best to hide the slight grimace that tugged on her lips. "So, what exactly have I been doing to tip you guys off?"

Alexis shrugged. "It's hard to describe. My dad was all mopey the last few days, mostly just sitting in his office, not talking to anyone...I wasn't for sure what was wrong but no matter what I tried he wouldn't open up. Then, a few days ago, he walked in and it was like this big weight had been lifted off his shoulders."

"I made a comment, asking him if he'd finally worked up the nerve to kiss you, but Richard merely looked at me and said in the plainest tones that he didn't love you and you two had agreed to be friends." Martha reached over, taking the tumbler from Beckett and downing the remains of the brandy in one gulp. "That was my first clue something was wrong...only men think they can go back to being friends with a woman."

"How did you know I was...that I am in love with him?" Beckett asked, startled by how GOOD it felt to say the words to another soul.

Alexis picked up the story. "Dad went back to acting like himself, or at least close to it. He would mention little things, like you bringing him pastries or some joke you told... he sounded like my friend Becky talking about Frank Stipano."

"Except he didn't see that those little things weren't the actions of a friend...am I right?"

Beckett took a breath, lowering her voice a few octaves before speaking. "You're right. I was ready to tell him I loved him...when he told me he didn't love me."

"Oh darling," Martha said with sympathy, wrapping her arm around Beckett's shoulder. "Damn Richard and his pigheadedness."

Another scowl tried to take hold of her lips but Beckett fought it off. "I got drunk later that night..." Martha muttered something about 'best medicine' but Beckett just plowed ahead, "...and I realized that it was my fault this had happened."

"Detective Beckett..." Alexis began but Beckett held up her hand.

"I didn't do enough to earn his love. I took it for granted...and I had no right to be upset that Castle didn't wait for me like some puppy. I screwed up...and I plan to fix it."

"I'm glad to hear that!" Martha said, going to mix herself another drink. "Now tell me, darling, what can Alexis and I do to help you snare your son?"

"Yeah, Det. Beckett," Alexis said, rather excited, "there must be something we can do to help."

Beckett pursed her lips. "You two seem awful happy that I want to date Castle..."

"Detective, let me tell you something: I've seen Richard date many women. And I have made my opinion clear to him that none of them were right for him. I know who my son deserves...and that's you."

"I've never seen him so happy as when he gets a phone call from you," Alexis stated. "He talks about you all the time...it's love and I want him to be happy."

Beckett nodded, considering their words. She was happy to have their support, but as she stared at their eager faces she knew what she had to tell them...and knew it could go sour very quickly.

"There is something you guys can do to help me," Beckett said, steeling herself for the fight to come.

"Name it," Martha said.

"Show Castle that he is loved."

Alexis and Martha blinked, not quite understanding what Beckett was getting at.

"It works both ways with Castle...he talks about me to you guys...and he talks about you to me. And, if I can be honest...I don't think he believes you two really love him anymore."

"What?" Alexis shouted, only to clamp her jaw shut and glance at Castle's office, thankful he hadn't heard.

"Darling, I think you are gravely mistaken."

Beckett shook her head. "I don't think so. I've been partners with Castle for a while now... and more times than not, when he talks about you guys it's because he is confused. Both of you do things he doesn't understand, and when he reacts you make him feel like the bad guy." Beckett sighed, lowering her head. "Of course, I am just as guilty...I supported you guys, teasing him and berating him for his actions...it's a wonder he's stayed sane, with the three of us coming at him."

Alexis stared at the detective, trying to wrap her mind around Beckett's statement. "I don't...I don't understand..."

Beckett sighed. "Ok, I'm not a shrink here, so forgive me...and this is only my opinion...Castle feels with you that he can't win, Alexis. You act like you want him to be a parent; but when he tries to do lay down the law, both of you make him feel guilty and question his choices. So then he tries to be more of a friend to you...and the cycle begins again. He sees you growing up and he doesn't know how to act around you anymore."

Licking her lips, Alexis considered some of the fights she had gotten into with her father over the last few years. She'd wanted him to treat her as an adult, to trust her and her decisions...but honestly, if it weren't for her father putting his foot down, she would have messed up a lot more. Alexis had always been mature for her age, and with that wisdom she tried to picture herself years from now, her own daughter telling her she was going to a summer program where she would be bunking with boys... her daughter rearranging her entire life just so she could spend more time with a boy she'd only been dating for a year... her daughter deciding to work for the police and not telling her...

And then she considered having said daughter always quilting her, making her feel bad for just trying to protect her...

It was a bitter pill to swallow...but Alexis sucked it up.

"I think you are being a bit hard on her, darling," Martha said, chiding Beckett. "Alexis is a teenager...they are expected to give their parents hell. Lord knows Richard did...that boy was always trouble..."

"Do you love him?"

It was Martha's turn to blink.

"It's a simple question...do you love your son?"

"Of course!" Martha said, offended.

"When is the last time you said the words?" Beckett pushed. Martha opened her mother, only to find silence to be the only thing on her tongue. "When is the last time you thanked him for letting you live here?" Again, Martha found her voice gone. "When is the last time you let him know you appreciate him...that you are proud of him."

Martha set her glass down.

She wanted to argue that she only acted the way she did to keep Richard grounded. That while she had an acid tongue Richard knew she loved him, that she was proud of him and all he had done...

But she couldn't speak the words. Not with Beckett staring at her, daring her to whisper them.

Beckett laughed bitterly. "What a trio we make. We bounce Castle around so much, playing down his strengths, offering only crumbs when he offers us the whole cake... God, no wonder he thought he wasn't in love with me...he probably thinks love doesn't exist."

Martha collapsed on the couch, all the humor that had filled the evening draining away. She had expected to gossip and plan with Beckett, to plot how to trick her son into realizing he was in love with the detective. But now, that game had suddenly changed and she found herself wondering if she truly had the time to help Beckett...as she had a lot of making up to do.

Alexis sniffed, not wanting to shed the tears the pooled in her eyes. Guilt ate away at her as she thought of her father and all the mistakes they had made.

"But..." Beckett said at last, "its not too late." She grabbed Martha fingers in one hand, gathering Alexis' in the other. "We can fix this...all of us. We can prove to him that he is loved... that he deserves love and we deserve to get it back."

"How?" Alexis whispered.

Beckett smiled, like the Cheshire cat. It was fun to find the tables turned...her now the one with the power and the others hanging on her every word. "Oh...I have a few ideas..."

Martha and Alexis leaned in...and their tears dried up as their smiles grew, listening to Beckett's plans. If they worked...oh boy, Richard Castle would not know what hit him.

"Ok, sorry about that..." Castle said, emerging from his office 10 minutes later. he looked at the three women in his life, nervously taking a step back as they all glanced at him. Now he knew how Macbeth felt upon seeing the Weird Sisters. "Uh... you guys alright?"

"Yes darling."

"Yup."

"100%, Castle."

All three women laughed (or cackled, in Castle's opinion), and every man in a 20 mile radius suddenly felt a shiver run down their spine.


	6. Chapter 6

"So, what are your plans for today, darling?"

Castle glanced over at his mother, who was curled up on one of the easy chairs, a cup of cofee in her hand (which he suspected was laced with a bit of whiskey). It was Saturday morning in New York and Richard Castle had decided it was a day for odd jobs. Of course, his odd jobs were much different from most men; instead of painting the bedroom or cleaning out the gutters, he would be finalizing some book cover blurbs and answering mail from the studios wanting his input on the Nikki Heat movie.

"Nothing too interesting," Castle said casually, taking a sip of oj. He was dressed in the pair of black silk pajamas Alexis had gotten him for his last birthday, a bagel and some juice within reach and his laptop humming away happily.

"Oh, I'm sure there must be something of interest," Martha said, leaving her spot to join Castle on the couch. "Do you have any more of those sketches from the new Derek Storm novel?"

" 'fraid not," Castle stated. He paused, considering something for a moment, before clicking the bookmark that led to the official Richard Castle Website. "But maybe I should bait some of the fans...always fun to get them into a tizzy."

Martha nodded, Castle not noticing that she was subtly typing a text message on her phone. She quickly slipped the device into her pocket, smiling when her son looked over at her, suspicious.

"Why the sudden interest in my work?" Castle asked. For the last few days, Alexis and Martha had been acting strangely...hugging him more, making supper, telling him to take a moment to relax and let them handle the dishes...it was freaking him out.

"A mother can't take an interest in their child's work?"

"...what evil plot are you planning?"

Martha rolled her eyes, waving off his accusation. "Richard, please. Now, what do you plan to do to your poor fans?"

Castle grinned, signing into his website's chat room, pleased to see that there were a handful of fans discussing away (granted, they weren't discussing him...they seemed more interested in some murderer in London that made his victims commit suicide...Castle made a note to steal that idea for a book). "Oh, just wait and see."

THEERichardCastle: Hey guys, just thought I would pop in...don't suppose you are interested in a new Nikki Heat project?

NedStark4Prez: Of course we are!

75Trombones: Tell us! Tell us!

CyberAli15: Please don't tease us...dish!

THEERichardCastle: Well, it isn't a new Nikki Heat novel...that will have to wait a bit.

THEERichardCastle: But what if I told you that there was going to be a Nikki Heat Graphic Novel?

RoachCoach1: Aw...how long of a wait?

CyberAli15: New grpahic novel? Are Nikki and Derek teaming up?

CyberAli15: ^graphic

THEERichardCastle: Nope, sorry. However, she will be teaming up with three other crime solvers: Kathy Reich...

THEERichardCaslte: Thomas O'Reilly and West O'Reilly

NedStark4Prez: OMG! You are doing a crossover with Temperance Brennan and Kevin Allen?

THEERichardCastle: Yup. The Kid has been begging for us to do something together...

RoachCoach1: omgomgomgomgomg

TheRealNikkiHeat: I don't know Castle...you think the O'Reilly boys can handle me?

Castle frowned at the comment. He was use to fans doing rpgs and fan fics on his message boards, but it was rare for them to play one of the characters from his book in a normal conversation...especially in a chat room while he was in it.

"What's wrong darling?" Martha asked.

"This poster...weird for someone to roleplay in a chat."

"Why don't you play along?" Martha said with a smirk. "You created Nikki Heat...so you should be able to handle an imposter."

Rolling his neck, Castle worked out the kinks like he was a boxer preparing to go after the title. "Alright...let's see what she's got."

THEERichardCastle: Well well well, Nikki Heat has joined us. And what exactly are we doing this morning?

TheRealNikkiHeat: probably the same thing you are, Castle...sitting on my couch in my pjs, thanking god there hasn't been another murder.

THEEERichardCastle: Give it time...I'm sure a weird murder will pop up to annoy you.

TheRealNikkiHeat: Ah, but the weird ones are more fun...have to work at them. I thought you liked the weird ones.

Castle frowned, ignoring the other comments that were popping up in the chat box, focusing on the imposter. Of course, most of the comments were people egging TheRealNikkiHeat to dish about herself or to get lost and stop wasting time.

THEERichardCastle: And how would you know what I like?

TheRealNikkiHeat: Oh, I know all sorts of things about you, Castle.

THEERichardCastle: Prove it, 'Nikki'

TheRealNikkiHeat: Ok, fans of Richard Castle...did you know that the great, brave writer once wore tweety bird boxers to a crime scene, and revealed such by accidently flashing the ME on duty?

THEERichardCastle: BECKETT?

Martha began to laugh.

TheRealNikkiHeat: Hello Castle...seems like you finally got to learn what my screen name is.

75Trombones: *confused* Who is Beckett?

NedStark4Prez: What's going on?

THEERichardCastle: Well everyone, I'd like you to meet the inspiration for Nikki Heat...detective Kate Beckett.

TheRealNikkiHeat: Hello everyone! :)

TheRealNikkiHeat: Thought I would stop trolling the boards for a while and pop into chat...imagine my surprise that my partner was on talking about my alter ego.

THEERichardCastle: Beckett, trolling?

TheRealNikkiHeat: Shup up castle

TheRealNikkiHeat: j/k

TheRealNikkiHeat: Well, since we are both on here, how about some Q and A?

Martha watched Castle's smile grow, shaking her head and leaving him be as he pounded away at the keys. Moving away, she glanced down at her phone and sent another text message: Took Bait Like Big Mouth Bass. Good Work Det.


	7. Chapter 7

It had not been a good day.

They had been spending the last few days going after a man that had been targeting rich drug addicts...mainly snobby trust fund babies that thought they were cool by passing around some coke at a party and acting like they were a drug kingpin. The killer was lacing his stuff with poisons and already they had 40 people in the hospital and 15 dead from two parties where his product had been passed around.

After days of grueling working they had finally caught a break, getting the scent of a dealer whose mother had worked for one of the victims until she was fired. The son had sworn vengeance and Beckett had been more than happy to give him a nice stay in lockup.

For once, Castle had behaved and agreed to stay in the squad car. Beckett had noticed he was doing that more often, sticking to the sidelines and leaving her to do the heavy lifting. While in the past she would have loved for him to behave like that, she now found it rather off-puting. She wondered, not for the first time, if Castle had taken so many risks in the past because he wanted to impress her and now that he felt she was no longer a suitable target for his affections had decided that it would be best to simply play it safe.

It was a bitter pill to swallow...it spoke of how things had once been, of what she had missed out. Every day it seemed Castle was taking a step back, even as he tried to play the role of friend and act like everything was normal. It was making Beckett run to try and keep up with his backpedaling and she worried that she wouldn't be able to keep up with his pace.

She glanced at him from the breakroom, sitting so forlorned by her desk. She could see a few of the other detectives glaring at him, and he seemed to shrink with every second.

He'd stayed outside during the raid, remaining in the squad car without protest. However, when he'd dropped his phone he'd accidentally bumped the switch to the siren, signalling the the suspect that the cops were outside. He'd been able to turn it off after a few seconds, and they'd been able to nab a couple of the man's cronies but the big fish had managed to wiggle out of their net.

Juggling the two cappuccinos and the apple twists (Beckett had begun the baking thing as a way to get Castle closer and found she actually enjoyed cooking...color her surprised!) Beckett made her way back to her desk, setting the treat and the caffeine rush within his reach before sitting down at her desk, turning on her computer. Castle kept staring at the desktop, as if waiting for her to rip into him.

That...broke her heart.

She had no one else to blame, of course. It was her own fault for setting up the expectation, that she was the mean witch that would always come storming in. She'd made him expect only cruel words instead of heartfelt sympathies, and now Castle was like an old dog, so worn down that he didn't even muster the energy to open his eyes when master come home in a foul mood.

Castle reached for his coffee and Beckett cringed as it teetered, nearly spilling over onto her desk. It was only the quick had of a passing Esposito that saved her paperwork. However, one glance at his face made Beckett realize that any thank yous she might have been storing up needed to be choked back.

"Watch it there, Mr. Magoo," Esposito said. He had that tone in his voice the one that dared you to claim that he was insulting you. He'd play it off all innocent, like it was just another one of his goofy quips...and most times it would have been. But it wasn't even Castle's flinch that told her the whole story...it was that dark glee that flashed in Esposito's eyes, the same one he got when he cornered a perp and was taking great pleasure in watching him squirm.

"Knock it off, Esposito," Kate said, trying to keep things casual. Castle glanced at her, surprised by her statement yet also waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to hit him with her own little insult. From the look on Esposito's face, like he'd bitten into a lemon when he thought it was an apple, he was surprised but also waiting. "Where are we with Douglas?"

Esposito frowned, thrown off by the change in their normal routine. "Right...uh...well, he's gone underground, now that he knows we are after him..." Esposito leveled another glare Castle's way.

"Which wouldn't have happened if you had connected the dots a bit quicker," Beckett stated, her tone so casual she might as well have been discussing the weather.

"Wait...my fault...I'm not the one who got so into Angry Birds he slammed on the siren-" The rest of his statement caught in his throat, the glare Beckett was flashing at him enough to make him wonder if it was too late to find out if they made adult diapers in his size.

"We are not playing the blame game, understand? I want to know what our next step is, ok?"

"...right..." Esposito said, startled, while Castle looked upon her like some avenging angel descended from heaven. Beckett forced herself not to smirk...things were turning out nicely.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Ok, what the hell was that?"

Beckett looked up from the magazine she had been leafing through, her fork hanging inches from her mouth, the piece of salad dangling upon it, threatening to tumble off onto the table below. She had been expecting this blowup to come, though truthfully she had been hoping that Esposito would wait till after lunch.

"What do you mean?" Beckett asked, wincing. She could tell her voice was chirpy; she hated it when suspects' voices got like that...it usually meant they were getting ready to was like they were choking on their fibs and were weazing out the answers.

Esposito clearly was thinking the same thing, leveling a nasty little glare her way. "I am talking about you calling me out back in the bullpen when it was writer-boy who screwed up the bust." He shook his head in disgust, clearly annoyed by what he felt was a MASSIVE faux pas. "He just blew the case for us and instead of letting him have it, you are defending him! What gives?"

"She's in love with him."

Esposito and Beckett slowly turned as one, staring at Ryan has he calmly ate his veggie mini-pizza.

"W-what did you say?" Beckett stammered.

"You're in love with Castle." Ryan wiped his mouth with his napkin. "And judging by the way he's been acting, I'd say he has fallen out of love with you, so you are trying to win his heart back."He shook his head, not even bothering to glance up. "Really sucks for the two of you...when one finally realizes-"

"Why do you think Beckett and Castle..."Esposito asked.

"Bro...I have eyes," Ryan said before taking another bite of his pizza. "Not like I am the only person that knows."

"Huh?" Beckett and Esposito exclaimed.

"Well, Lanie knows...and Bob down in Burglary. And Frank and Sammy in Narcotics...and Gates-"

"The CAPTAIN knows?" Beckett squealed.

"Uh...yeah. Have to be pretty blind not to notice...sorry bro."

Esposito shook his head. "I can't believe I'm the only one that doesn't know!"

"Well, Castle doesn't, if that helps," Ryan said, tossing his water bottle into the recycling bin. "So, the big question is... are you going to stand there all mad...or are you going to help get Castle and Beckett into bed?"

"RYAN!" Beckett cried out, looking around as if she expected Castle to leap from the shadows.

"I was going to say knocking bookends together,because he's a writer, but I wanted to stay classy."

Esposito sighed. "...alright, I'm in."

Beckett's head was a whirl as the two lead her away, plotting away and leaving her wondering when her lovelife became everyone's problem.


	8. Chapter 8

Beckett blamed Ryan for this.

When he had told her and Esposito that he had an idea that would allow her and Castle to be in a more casual setting, one that would allow her to show a softer side and potentially win him back, she had been all for it. She had held visions of a friendly dinner in some little known family diner, or perhaps a night of watching bad movies and mocking them like they were the cast of Mystery Science Theater. Or perhaps watching one of the HORRIBLE police dramadies where all the characters were glorified soap opera stars and every case was solved in 44 minutes and they could take turns pointing out the flaws.

But no...Ryan had picked something worse...much, much worse

"Hey Castle, you're up! Just promise you don't sing any Manilow...that guy with the huge forehead ruined it for me!"

Karaoke.

Beckett HATED Karaoke. The people that loved it were either attention whores that wanted everyone to treat them like they were the next coming of Whitney Houston or were so tone deaf they didn't realize that the cat was plunging its head in kitty liter in the hopes that it would die from drowning in clumps and not have to hear the music anymore.

The bar Ryan had chosen didn't help matters either. It was done up in reds and golds with Chinese lanterns (didn't they realize Karaoke was Japanese?) and full of drunk businessmen and giggling women out on girl's night.

At least all the rest of them were having fun. Esposito was cracking wise, but light enough that it didn't make him sound like a jackass, and Ryan was doing all he could to steer Castle towards her without being obvious. And speak of the devil himself...Castle had managed to crack a smile or two and tell a few jokes, though she could tell he still wasn't comfortable being around her in a public setting. When they were alone, he could pretend...but when the world could see him, he suddenly had butterfingers when it came to handling her.

Castle went up to the mic, having already selected his song while Ryan did his best to not butchar Foo Fighters 'Learn to Fly'. The strum of a guitar filled the air as Castle took hold of the mic, staring off at nothing as he began to sing.

_One more kiss could be the best thing_  
><em> But one more lie could be the worst<em>  
><em> And all these thoughts are never resting<em>  
><em> And you're not something I deserve<em>

_ In my head there's only you now_  
><em> This world falls on me<em>  
><em> In this world there's real and make believe<em>  
><em> And this seems real to me<em>

Beckett felt her heart dive down into her gut. She knew that for many, the song was about someone with a secret asking the person they loved to let them go. But the way Castle sang it, with all his emotions out there for the world to see...the song had a different meaning for him.

_[Chorus]_  
><em> You love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand<em>  
><em> And you love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> So let me go<em>  
><em> Let me go<em>

She glanced over at Ryan and Esposito, and from their slightly stung expressions, struggling to contain their true feelings, Beckett knew that saw the meaning behind Castle's song choice as well.

_I dream ahead to what I hope for_  
><em> And I turn my back on loving you<em>  
><em> How can this love be a good thing<em>  
><em> When I know what I'm goin through<em>

_ In my head there's only you now_  
><em> This world falls on me<em>  
><em> In this world there's real and make believe<em>  
><em> And this seems real to me<em>

_ [Chorus]_  
><em> You love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand<em>  
><em> You love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> So let me go<em>  
><em> Just Let me go...<em>  
><em> Let me go<em>

__It was a plea. A silent prayer. A whispered question, asking for relief and reprieve. It was a condemed man asking for a stay of execution, of a dying man asking to be put out of his pain. It was beautiful and terrible and she didn't know if she should cry...tears didn't seem right. They seemed...demeaning.

_ And no matter how hard I try_  
><em> I can't escape these things inside I know<em>  
><em> I knowww..<em>  
><em> When all the pieces fall apart<em>  
><em> You will be the only one who knows<em>  
><em> Who knows<em>

_ [Chorus]_  
><em> You love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand<em>  
><em> And you love me but you don't know Who I am<em>  
><em> So let me go<em>  
><em> Just let me go<em>

Every word was a knife. She had thought she had made this right...she thought she was fixing this. But it was clear, in this moment, that she had been stupid and childish. This wouldn't be fixed with baked goods and a few flirty comments. She had broken him so completely and utterly, and it would be up to her to fix him...even if it meant giving him up. Because she had to fix him...how could she ever dream of going on, of facing the world, knowing what she had reduced him too?

_And you love me but you don't_  
><em> You love me but you don't<em>  
><em> You love me but you don't know who I am<em>  
><em> And you love me but you don't<em>  
><em> You love me but you don't<em>  
><em> You love me but you don't know me<em>

__The room, Beckett realized, had grown quiet. All the idle conversations and drunken rants had went silent, all ears fixed to Castle's song, wanting to catch each note. As the last verse fell from his lips the room burst into applause and Castle bashfully waved them off. Beckett forced herself to smile, though the dampness at the corner of her eyes weakened the effect.

"Wow Castle, that was..."

"Go ahead and mock...I think it was pretty good!" Castle said, using humor as a shield.

"Nah, man, that was pretty good!"

Beckett, thankful the guys were giving her a moment to regroup, quickly began to come up with a new plan, her mind working overtime to come up with a new attack strategy. A song in the playbook at their table caught her eye and she smiled. She hadn't been planning to sing...but perhaps it was time to fight fire with fire.

"Excuse me boys...I am going to show Castle how it is done!"

Castle, Ryan and Esposito laughed as she walked up, making her selection. They waited for the girly notes or slow guitar to start...so they were startled when a violent riff began. Beckett closed her eyes, pretending it was only her, alone in her room, and surrendered herself to the song.

_ Looking back at me I see_  
><em> That I never really got it right<em>  
><em> I never stopped to think of you<em>  
><em> I'm always wrapped up in<em>  
><em> Things I cannot win<em>  
><em> You are the antidote that gets me by<em>  
><em> Something strong<em>  
><em> Like a drug that gets me high<em>

_What I really meant to say_  
><em> Is I'm sorry for the way I am<em>  
><em> I never meant to be so cold <em>

_ What I really meant to say_  
><em> Is I'm sorry for the way I am<em>  
><em> I never meant to be so cold<em>

She had heard of singing for one's supper. But Beckett was not singing for her life. It was dramatic and some would scoff, but she realized that, without Castle's love, her life wasn't worth a damn thing. She needed him, she needed him at her side, now and forever, and that meant she was going to not just have to chase him, but fight for him.

_ To you I'm sorry about all the lies_  
><em> Maybe in a different light<em>  
><em> You could see me stand on my own again<em>  
><em> Cause now i can see<em>  
><em> You were the antidote that got me by<em>  
><em> Something strong like a drug that got me high<em>

_ What I really meant to say_  
><em> Is I'm sorry for the way I am<em>  
><em> I never meant to be so cold <em>

_What I really meant to say_  
><em> Is I'm sorry for the way I am<em>  
><em> I never meant to be so cold <em>

_ I never meant to be so cold_

She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to get the meaning, that she was readying for him and that now, at long last, she could hold her head up and ignore the ghosts of the past. She wouldn't allow her fears and misgivings cost her happiness and she was willing to do anything to earn back his trust and his love. She sang it all for him, only for him, with the world as her witness and the universe as her stage

_ I never really wanted you to see_  
><em> The screwed up side of me that I keep<em>  
><em> Locked inside of me so deep<em>  
><em> It always seems to get to me<em>  
><em> I never really wanted you to go<em>  
><em> So many things you should have known<em>  
><em> I guess for me theres just no hope<em>  
><em> I never meant to be so cold<em> 

_What I really meant to say  
>Is I'm sorry for the way I am<br>I never meant to be so cold _

_What I really meant to say  
>Is I'm sorry for the way I am<br>I never meant to be so cold_

__The applause was just as loud for her as it had been for him, and Beckett slowly made her way back to her seat. Castle looked dumbfounded and confused...unsure where he stood or what had brought on that soulful song.

Good. She could work with confused.


	9. Chapter 9

"Darling, how good to see you!" Martha called out from the couch. She glanced up from her magazine as Castle bounded into the room like a puppy on a sugar high. "Well, you look happy! With that smile I would have thought you were the Joker." Martha took a sip of her martini. "A Joker that has been sneaking cookies, mind you..."

"Ha ha, very funny mother," Castle said, though his good mood did not leave him with Martha's jests. He tossed his jacket onto a chair and moved to sit next to his mother, practically vibrating. "I got them."

"Got what?" Martha asked innocently. Her son failed to notice that, instead of her normal over the top dresses she had gone with a more breezy blouse and slacks, her right hand hidden under a pillow while her left clutched her drink.

"Got...what do you think I got?" Castle said, his happy buzz warring with his displeasure that his mother didn't share in his excitement. "Mother, what have I been talking about for the last few weeks?"

"Cases, that graphic novel you and Kevin and Temperance are working on...did he ever return the pope's hat, by the way?"

"I think he...mother, I am not talking about any of that. Haven't you seen me on the phone, talking to everyone and anyone, trying to secure the hottest tickets in town."

"Oh yes...telling to Robert and Chris...both of them...oh, and Scarlett." Martha gave her son a wink. "Still can't get that one to go out with you, can you?"

Castle waved off his mother's question. "The point is I was finally able to get in touch with Joss today and he came through for me! Last minute too, but hey, I'm not complaining!" Castle pulled from his pocket 4 crisp and clean movie tickets. "I give you our passes to the biggest movie event...well, until the next biggest movie event...tonight...we are going to the New York Premiere...of The Avengers!"

Martha broke out into a grin of her own. "Oh darling, how wonderful! I absolutely love them!"

Castle was pleasantly surprised by his mother's reaction. "Well well well...I never took you for a fan!"

"But of course! That John Steed was dreaming in his own way and Emma Peel proved-"

His face fell. "Mother...not the british Avengers. I'm talking about the superheroes! Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Iron Man! The big four of Marvel comics, all on the silver screen! Action and mayhem and superpowers...it is going to be awesome!"

Martha set her drink down and patted his hand. "I'm sure it will be, darling." Castle got the impression that he was being humored. "But...four tickets Richard?"

Castle nodded, becoming a bit more muted by that. "Yeah... at first I was thinking of inviting someone... but Ryan has a family thing with Jenny and Esposito already has a hot date with someone named Meredith."

"Not Evil Meredith, I hope," Martha said, referring to Castle's ex-wife.

"Me too...god, that would be horrible." Castle did a full body shudder at the thought of the Deep-Fried Twinkie getting it on with Esposito. "I was going to invite Kevin but he is fighting a deadline and said, I quote, "The only way I would fly out is if it were the Dark Knight Rises. DC FOREVER!" and then he did the Joker laugh which was...very creepy."

"There must be someone else," Martha said.

Castle rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I guess Alexis could invite a friend."

"Darling, what about Detective Beckett?"

Castle blinked. "Beckett? Nah, I don't think she'd be into that. I began to discuss it with Ryan and she hightailed it out of there..."

"That's because I had to do some shopping," Beckett said, emerging from Castle's den. The writer turned, startled by her arrival, and received a form NERF dart in the face for his trouble. Beckett had changed out of her normal jacket and blouse at some point and donned a simple white t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she bounced on her sock-clad feet, aimming the NERF gun at him and holding up the foam Captain America shield that was strapped to her arm. "Avengers, assemble!"

Castle barely had time to blink before Alexis popped up from behind the couch, playfully punching him with the two big, green foam fists that she wore over her hands. "Alexis smash!" She said with a giggle. Martha, for her part, rolled her eyes...before pulling out her hidden right hand and firing foam discs at her son with the Iron Man gaunlet she'd strapped to her wrist. Beckett smirked as she slowly circled Castle, using the shield to push away the dart he threw at her head.

"What..." Castle stammered, shocked by all this.

Beckett flashed him a smile that made his tummy rumble. "Well, I figured we have 4 hours before the premiere...might as well use one of those to have some fun, since we have to be all dignified and dressed up for the movie." She reached behind a chair and tossed Castle a foam hammer and a plastic viking helmet. "Unless you are scared..."

Castle narrowed his eyes, reaching down and grasping the handle of the toy. "Whoever lifts this hammer...if he be worth...shall have the power of THOR!" He raised the weapon and looked at the three women in his life. "Have at thee!"

Martha quickly backed away, deciding to focus more on shooting the three younger participants as they went after each other. Alexis leapt onto her father's back while he playfully hit Beckett's shield, the detective blocking his assaults and giggling hard she thought she was going to wet herself. Castle was sporting a smile so big you'd think he jaw was about to crack off, tumbling with his girls like they were all 5 years old again.

As she watched, Martha was struck by the sight of it all...something she hadn't seen...well, ever...in these rooms. It was something played out a million times in homes across the USA, but never here, not until the moment...and it was shocking how RIGHT it now felt.

A man and a woman, who loved each other very much...playing with their child.


End file.
